The Opportunities Method: How to Plan, Not to Plan
My Love/Hate Relationship with Google Calendar, To Do Lists & OK, while we are at it… Vacation Itineraries
“If there’s one thing that I’ve repeatedly and rather foolishly forgotten to schedule into my life it is to create times where it’s not scheduled.”
-Craig D. Lounsbrough, Counselor
Ping!
[Get Ready]
Ping!
[Depart for Breakfast @ Spoon Café (takes approx. 15 minutes to get there)]
Ping!
[Breakfast Meeting with Denise @ Spoon Café]
Ping!
[Reminder: Jayden’s Birthday, Go to Target, Make Grocery List & Food Prep, Do Laundry...]
[Grabs a glass of champagne]
“For those of you who do not know me, my name is Alexandra and I’m honored to call Google Calendar & to do lists two of my best friends since 2011. We met at the office, fresh out of college, coffee in one hand, cell phone in the other, and as I sat at my desk, I turned around to face my computer and there they were, what can I say? We just clicked [like a computer mouse and digital brie cheese]. It’s been a comforting, toxic relationship ever since.”
The truth is, my calendar obsession & over-planning tendencies started long before digital calendars were created (now that I think about it, hopefully not that long…). It started with school agendas. The excitement I got being handed a fresh off-the-press, new school year agenda was similar to that of how I feel now walking into a Trader Joe’s during seasonal product drops: pure and utter joy.
In planning in advance for this spectacular event, I placed my colored coordinated highlighters in order of the rainbow (Everyone knows its pink, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple - which was a highlighter color that was later introduced in my senior year and threw me into a tizzy, “I am FINE, I don’t know why it is coming out all loud and squeaky but I promise, I’m fine.” - Ross Geller). Each color would coordinate to a class and the order of the rainbow would begin with my first class of the day. This agenda provided me with organization, time management, prioritization and comfort all at an early age.
So, when did it get bad, you ask? It could have been middle school, I’m not exactly sure.
No, it didn’t truly become toxic, something that is bad for your mental health, until about two years into my first job, when I entered the world of the digital calendar.
At that time, I was a time management guru: managing several calendars at once, planning company trips in different time zones and confirming every last detail was buttoned up. I enjoyed digital detailed planning so much, that I decided to start adopting it for my personal life: adding post-work activities, events, color coordinating everything in accordance with its’ purpose and even creating itineraries for weekends with friends or vacations. But what started as an innocent time management & entertainment tool quickly turned into a full-blown scheduling addiction.
According to Wikipedia, an addiction is “a brain disorder characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli despite adverse consequences.”
For me and my relationship with over-scheduling & task lists addiction is as such:
Rewarding stimuli = over-scheduling events & daily to do lists on Google Calendar
Adverse consequences = anxiety, frustrations, disappointment when those planned events or tasks either did not occur or did not get accomplished = feeling a total lack of control & defeated
I noticed an uptick in over-planning when my work-life balance severely lacked an equilibrium. You see, I am a visual person. I love pictures in books more than words (ironic, as I am a writer), I scroll through Instagram looking at pictures but not always what is written in posts and I abhor reading directions unless there are pictures showing me how; as such, when I visually saw how disproportion my work day was, 8am - 8pm and some nighttime calls, it made me realize how little time I actually had for myself.
As a result, I started to add my own events to my calendar that expanded to weekends and daily reminders. It gave me something to look forward to at the end of a long day; something that wasn’t my employer’s or my calendar’s, something that was mine {this is called “healthy planning”}.
It also gave me a sense of control. You know that quote “We don’t know what tomorrow will bring?” well, I did. Tomorrow was mine. And the next day, and the week after that and the months to come, yup, 2025, they were all mine and it was because I scheduled everything out so far in advance that when it came time for friends to exchange dates of availability to get together, I was maxed out. I was “busy” {also known as, “unhealthy planning”}.
It was at this moment, that my highlighter ran out of ink. The perceived highlights on my calendar or vacation itineraries turned into what felt like obligations. I began scheduling out of habit, to fill gaps with tasks and ultimately, to feel as if I had a sense of control over my lack of time due to work. The second something did not go “according to schedule” I was disappointed, and it took away from an event that should have been a moment of joy.
I knew that the lack of perceived control I had over my life in the form of free time from work, resulted in my obsessive planning. I thought that if I didn’t plan, if I didn’t take advantage of the 30 minutes, hour, or weekend that I had to myself, then I wouldn’t be properly taking advantage of and utilizing that time and ultimately, that I would miss out on something really fun and I wouldn’t be happy.
Point blank: I fell victim to both my google calendar and my to do list.
During my moment of clarity, I realized that there is ALWAYS going to be a to do list, something that you need to get done. There will also ALWAYS be schedules, it’s smart to earmark what’s to come. But did I have to do every single thing that was set forth for my day ahead? Did I have to fill every gap of time? Obviously if it meant going to work, then hell yes, I did - got to make that income! But if it was a rainy Saturday morning and all I wanted to do was hit the snooze and skip brunch in order to catch up on sleep, attend a yoga session to listen to my body and refresh my mind before seeing friends, then that’s OK too.
Good Lord, where is the fun in having every single thing planned out? Why didn’t I leave things to fate, I love the movie Serendipity for God’s sake, and speaking of God, why didn’t I leave room for him to enter my life and surprise me with beautiful opportunities?
If you are reading this and feel the same, then you are not alone. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had this conversation with others after my scheduling addiction epiphany. As such, I decided to address it head on: I have come up with a method that has served me and I am confident, it will serve you too.
The opportunities method
The Opportunities Method goes like this:
overarching
Embrace the calendar gaps. Leave at least 30 minutes a day free, without virtually scheduling in advance (this includes mentally scheduling you trickster, I know you want to squeeze in cleaning at this time).
DAILY
Feel out what you need each day. When you look at your day ahead ask yourself this question “Does it HAVE to get done right now? Or can it wait?” If the answer is no, then ask yourself “What do I need right now? What action will give me peace, relax me, energize me or bring me happiness?”, then do that.
THE REAL CHALLENGE
Take this a step further and one day out of your weekend or a day off,
1.) Don’t set an alarm
2.) Wake-up naturally
3.) [Stop! Don’t touch your phone to scroll through texts, the news or social media.] Take a deep breath in and exhale slowly.
4.) Ask yourself “How do I feel? What does my body, mind or soul need as a result? What action will bring me fulfillment, peace, ease, rest, energy, humor or joy?”
5.) Give yourself permission to do whatever it is that comes to mind. WITHOUT GUILT (remove the “I feel best about [going on a morning walk], but I should be [cleaning the bathrooms]” excuses)
6.) Repeat throughout the day.
You may find that as you do things your intuition is asking of you, that in return, you are being gifted with boundless energy to accomplish other things later in the day that are more chore-like. That positivity will spark a day of opportunities rather than a day of obligations. And in opportunities, as Merriam-Webster states, creates “a good chance for advancement or progress”.
The spaces in your calendar becomes windows of opportunities to rest, recharge and enhance your overall well-being, which sets your morning, afternoon or evening up for success as your mindset switches from robotic to intentional, from living in the digital calendar world to living in actual, tangible, beautiful presence.
The rule of thumb for this method to work is that YOU are in charge of your day. NOT your to-do list, or calendar.
YOU feel into what you need for the time you have and do it.
Only have a morning to yourself, or even an hour? Great! Sit your butt down, take a few deeps breathes and call to mind what it is you need from this next hour(s) ahead.
Sometimes this means sleeping in or taking a nap (don’t ever feel guilty for taking a nap, you need fuel to be able to tackle items later on!) or skipping barre class and going on a long walk outside because it is so nice out or baking banana bread with chocolate chips and going crazy adding peanut butter tidbits into it, whatever you are longing for, do it. Make it YOUR day. It’s your free day, morning, hour, make it about YOU not what you think you “should be doing” and for Pete’s sake*, not what your calendars always tells you.
Although I will continue to enjoy studying routines in client sessions, enhance my own, and use Google Calendar to make appointments and schedule events and task lists to keep our lives’ in check, I now know to use it for just their sole productivity & organization purposes, and to use my own inner guidance for my own soul’s purpose. Taking back power over my days, giving myself permission to rest whenever necessary and feeling the peace of mind that ensues.
Lastly, I feel the need to share this mantra with you because this is how I sometimes feel.
“My daily self-worth is not equated to the amount of tasks I complete in a day, if my schedule goes according to plan or everything seems to ‘go right’, it is equated to the love, attention and permission I give myself to self-nurture and listen to my sincerest desires. My self-worth comes from ME.”
Now THAT is a damn good day!
* “For Pete’s Sake” The ADHD in me had to stop to look up who the heck Pete is and why we use this phrase. Thanks to an explanation from an article on USA Today.com:
"For Pete's sake" originated as a substitute for "for Christ's sake," and other similar expressions.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, "for Pete's sake" came into use more than a century ago and prompted similar sayings such as "for the love of Pete" in 1906 and "in the name of Pete" in 1942.”
“Most people miss great opportunities because of their misperception of time. Don’t wait! The time will never be just right.”