Advice: Tips & Tricks for New Moms
New Mom, New You
Here are a Few of Suggestions for how to navigate this Unchartered Territory
“
God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.”
-Jewish Proverb
As I write this for you six months into my own journey into motherhood, I am sitting at my desk in pajamas, hair in a disheveled heap with the thinking capacity that’s a mix of a slo-mo video and exhaustion, 6am is the only time to capture productivity so alas, here I am…
& here you are, too.
The reality is no one, and nothing, can prepare you for motherhood. Prior to my daughter, Teddy, being born, I would listen to my friends who had just become mothers with empathy as I tried to imagine myself in their shoes. But, even though I was equipped with the knowledge of the beauty, blessings and yes, downright exhaustion and trying times of motherhood, I didn’t fully grasp what was about to hit me emotionally & physically.
This is not just a new chapter, it is a completely new book, new volume of yourself. Don’t get me started about the fact that not only are you becoming a new version of you, with shifts in your mindset and daily routines occurring overnight, but that you are becoming the “new you” in a “new normal” of a global pandemic.
It could lead you to think: Who the heck are you?!
Let me tell you who you are. You are a F@$&ING LEGEND.
Let me also tell you while I am at it, keep going, it gets SO much easier (& I am going to say it, better!) with time.
However, whenever I heard from other seasoned moms that “by month 1” or “by six weeks” or “by six months” that it got better, I tried to muster up relief, excitement or hopefulness during the new mom haze (the haze lasted for me, three to four months). This haze often leaves a mother feeling at times that some things are unattainable when it comes to getting sleep, feeling like themselves or having a moment again.
Although you are in a haze right now, you are still craving connection to the world and with parts of your “old self”. Experiencing this as well, motivated me to create some tips & tricks that may help lift the haze a bit each day and reconnect with yourself once more while easing into the new role as a mom and new beautiful version of yourself.
I was fortunate enough to have the most thoughtful friends create a video for me welcoming me to motherhood and bestowing upon me their advice for this new volume of my life. Taking their heartfelt suggestions and trickling in my own learnings, I want to share the following simple tricks with you to possibly adopt and make them your own.
May you be blessed with healing, a full night’s sleep and peace of mind once more, it will come sooner than you’ve ever anticipated.
Go on walks
Yes, the idea of stepping outside of your comfort zone, by yourself, with your precious, fragile baby is daunting. However, once you find a walking route that you are comfortable with, and equip yourself with the goods to ensure a positive walk is likely to happen, you will feel ready and up for the challenge (for me goods include: her portable fan in the summers, blanket in the winter, a bottle, Geoffrey her giraffe binky and spit up cloth, sometimes her portable white noise machine…. OK her entire nursery!). To build confidence in advance of walking by myself, I walked the same route several times with my husband, Conor, and Teddy; having a map built into my subconscious was one less think I had to think about. After that, I felt ready and up for the challenge of embarking on this proud moment by myself and once I did it, it felt SO good.
Walks allowed me to breathe. To recenter myself in nature, listen to a podcast, crank up my playlist or call a loved one (I always listened with one earbud in to be aware of my surroundings). It provided me with a sliver of “me time” as I knew Teddy was in the comfort of her mobile bassinet. Not only did it grant me moments of peace, but it also boosted my spirits as "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy [moms] just don't [go crazy].”
I know you think of that edited Legally Blonde quote every time the word endorphin comes to mind, too.
A couple of tips within this tip.:
-When you are feeling overwhelmed, cancel out the noise and take a “nature walk” (welcome back to elementary school). Don’t numb yourself with a podcast or try to catch up with friends, let nature be your sound therapy and remove the earbud. Take deep breaths in and exhale slowly, take in the beauty of your surroundings and be with the present moment. I cannot express how healing it is just to soak up the sun, trees or even cement sidewalks, give yourself permission to be with yourself and you will heal yourself.
-Make walking a daily habit, but be flexible. I made it a point to ensure Teddy and I walked every day but at a time that was best for her schedule AND that was weather compliant. Hot summers = early morning strolls & cool winters = bundled up midday adventures & obviously, I didn’t go singing in the rain with her either.
-Discover your little crumpet’s theme song. For Teddy, it’s Julie Andrews or nothing. She loves Do-Re-Mi. The second she starts getting fussy, I play Julie and she relaxes, goes into a daze and eventually falls asleep. I established her theme song by playing it for her each time she played on her play mat. She then associated it with fun and relaxation, and as a result, it allowed her to get hooked. With that said, make sure it is a song you love too, because you will be dropping that sick beat every time they start fading.
-Have your post walk clothes ready in advance. I am just going to come out & own it: when I walk, I walk hard, and when I walk hard, I sweat. No, not glisten, actual sweat. I always have to shower after a workout class, even if it is yoga. As a result, I lay out two outfits in advance of the next day: 1.) my morning / midday walk outfit & 2.) my day outfit post-walk. This allows me to quickly sprint to the next room to get changed as Teddy plays happily on her play mat.
-Newborn stage (0-4 months, give or take) = enjoy the slightly bumpy road, Baby stage (4 months + beyond) = firm grip & a steady ride. I found that because newborns are soothed by bouncy sensations similar to that of being in your belly, that Teddy loved a roller coaster of a walk. Hit a bump? Ten points for Gryffindor! We are talking easy bumps here, don’t go all bassinet off roading, just something ever so slight or a repetitive vibration. However, when she hit her five month sleep regression, she was done with sidewalk cracks and preferred a smooth, even ride. So grip those handlebars and they will prove for you to have a sleepy baby in no time!
Shower everyday
Two close friends of mine gave me the greatest & simplest piece of advice: take one shower a day. This is critical for the newborn phase. I would either take a shower right before I took over for Teddy time during the day to wake myself up, or in the evening right before bed to relax me (sometimes I lived life on edge and did both).
It is said that water cleanses more than just your body, it cleanses your soul as well. As a result, I would mentally hold a word that wasn’t serving me like “exhaustion” or “frustration” and then turn the shower on and ask for those words to be washed away. I always felt so much better after doing this ritual and refreshed for the day or night.
Give yourself permission to be in the moment
This one was a biggie for me.
Whether you have five minutes to eat lunch hands free or to go on a walk outside alone, give yourself permission to be present in that moment. Don’t carry the guilt that you aren’t holding your baby right that second, or think about the tasks you have ahead of yourself for the day, eat your sandwich and really enjoy every me-time-for-a-moment bite. Your significant other, friend or family are offering to help for a reason: for you to rest in those moments gifted to you. So rest, or it defeats the purpose of having “free time”. Mentally say “I give myself permission to enjoy this stroll outside, I leave all worries at the door and I am present in this moment.”
Similarly, when you are with your angel, really be with your angel. I’ve said this before, you’ve heard this before and I will say it again: these moments are precious and they will be gone before you can even fathom yourself saying that your baby is now a year old. So, allow yourself to be a present parent. Everything will work out, God, the Universe, your Angels, your Guides, they all have your back. Your body will heal quicker if you rest it. Your mentality will shift as soon as you allow yourself to open up to receiving the gifts your baby’s pure energy is giving to you, and joy will nestle in. All you have to do, is to allow it to happen.
Let go of expectations
According to Google Dictionary (my favorite tool) an expectation is a belief that someone will or should achieve something. There is that sneaky little word, “should”, again. I am going to start on a more vulnerable note here, with a topic that holds some weight: gaining weight during pregnancy and putting the expectation on yourself that you will lose it soon thereafter. That you see “everyone else” losing it quickly, as such, there is an expectation that, that will be the case for you too.
Throw this notion OUT of the window. You’ve already got enough going on as a new mom, why add one more thing? First things first, your chemical make-up is tailored beautifully to YOU. This means, as unfair as it may be, someone may lose the weight in one week while others may take months or years. I gained thirty five pounds with Teddy and did not “bounce back” (Where the heck did this phrase come from? & Why was it ever created? It needs to bounce on out of our language.). I did and do take exercise seriously, but most importantly, learned to exercise grace over body. Your body is healing from the marathons of all marathons and instead of mentally beating it up for not shedding the weight quickly, thank it. Acknowledge how hard it worked for you to deliver your blessing in purest, healthy form. Your body will feel your appreciation and the grace you give yourself will also provide you with positive energy that will motivate you to put towards gentle exercise and positive thoughts. In turn, you will form a new, healthy cycle, allowing your body to be one step closer to regaining strength and resilience.
Secondly, all you see is a picture on Instagram of a new mom. A snapshot, where they are gifted a moment to take a shower, go on that one, long overdue date night, look and feel put together, not all of the messy moments in-between. What they may not have shown you is the pain they have endured postpartum, the inability to have time to make themselves meals or the pressure they too, have put on themselves to “bounce back”. Don’t put their expectations on yourself, as you’ll never know what they have experienced in “getting there” or what they’ve experienced along the way.
Laugh often
The Mayo Clinic states that a “rollicking laugh” (a lively & exuberant laugh) can instantly reduce stress and soothe tension with the long term benefits of strengthening your immune system, improving your overall mood and reducing physical pain.
There are a lot of unknowns in this unchartered territory of your life, but what I do know is that you have the ability to control how you show up and what you feed yourself to make it a positive chapter (feed in the form of food & nutrients as well as external media). Choose TV Shows that bring humor to your life or podcasts that make you laugh out loud and take part in positive language. Also, instead of flying off the handle when your little peanut shows up in a big way in their diaper or for accidentally dropping your dinner on the ground, throw your hands up in the air, choose joy, choose to find humor in it and let out a rip-roaring laugh. For as Mark Twain notes, “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.”
Remember, that this too shall pass, but allow the moments to pass with the confidence that you were fully present in them.
With Love,
Alexandra
“Whenever you feel like you are failing, look in the eyes of your child, and know your value.”