Being Older, Does Not Necessarily Mean, Being Wiser
Wise Guides vs. Wise Guys
You know those words that make you do a double take, and cause you to reflect on their meaning at a deeper level?
Well wisdom, is that word for me.
There are two very different experiences I have had personally with the word wisdom.
The first being with persons who I look up to, admire and respect, who are humble, kind, and all-knowing without pretension.
To me, I consider these individuals to be the wise guides of my life.
Then, there are the other less ideal experiences; with persons whose egos have labeled themselves as older, more experienced, thus smarter than others in the room, and who push onto you their quote on quote “astute views of the world;” those that you “really need to listen to.” Whenever I have experienced these types, I immediately turn off internally, nod to be polite and think to myself, “great, another wise guy.”
Not to be confused with the wise guides that I previously mentioned.
The Wise Guy
Also known as the smart aleck, is one of my top button pushers. The person that must contain the most knowledge out of an entire group, who tends to talk the loudest to command more attention and who often talks over you to ensure that you know that their alleged wisdom trumps your own.
Yes, you could say that I have had an experience or two with these individuals, but do not worry, if you are reading this, you are most likely not one of them. These persons could not be bothered with a blog that contains opinions other than their own.
As defined by Oxford Languages, a wise guy is “a person who speaks and behaves as if they know more than others” additionally and irrelevantly to this piece, they are also known to be “members of the Mafia.”
Hmm maybe this is more relevant than we think?
I often see what I consider to be, the wise guy syndrome, within those who assume that they are older than I, thus it brings some sort of comfort to them knowing that they must have a leg up in life to me and in a skewed sense, are better than I am. Their ego is fueled by this need to be the best. But, let’s be honest, we all have had an experience in which a wise guy enters a packed room, glances are gracefully exchanged in the form of secret warnings codes that they are here. You may find yourself quickly trying to act busy, engage in conversation with those closest to you or excuse yourself to the restroom. No one really enjoys being around a wise guy. Which is of course ironic because they usually assume that they are God’s gift to earth.
Now, I say all of this not to turn it around and make us feel superior to the wise guys, but to create a sense of shared experience and encourage that we try our very best to exercise compassion. More than likely, something occurred within their life’s journey that led them to act the way that they are. It is also very common, that they do not pursue external help, or if they do, it is just to puff up their feathers as to use the authority of their therapist to back their thoughts and use them to their own advantage.
Let me be clear: this is not an easy path for me to take.
I have had a conflicting internal issue with how to handle those who tick me off because of their false “older and wiser” pretenses. One half of me thinks that by showing them empathy and kindness, that this could rub off on them and may lead them down a path of deep healing and peace.
The other half of me is all about self-protection.
If we don’t jive, we just don’t jive. But if I assume this point of view, then my own personal rule is to do so gracefully and with kindness. I don’t want to wish ill on them, no matter how much they may drive me crazy, but I don’t want to be rude or to hurt this hurt person, so I aim to just simply let them be. I hold my own in a conversation, I ensure that I stand in my power and do my best to do so with grace.
This is of course a personal decision, and if they cross boundary, I encourage it to be challenged, but we all know this: hurt people, hurt people, or just, annoy people, possibly? {sigh}
This is just proof that sometimes being older, does not necessarily mean, that you are wiser. I think this comes with a lot of personal self-healing work, and growth, is learned and is given with an ego-less open heart and peaceful soul. It has the best intentions, and is felt right off the bat with an intuitive mind that says “Yes, yes this person is very wise.”
The Wise Guide
[Tina Turner iconic song surfaces and I think, “You’re simply the best! Better than all the rest!]
The pure words of joy and excitement I get whenever I think about those in my life that are my own wise guides.
They are who I consider to be, fallen angels, whose name you bring up in conversation and follow up with “they are the best,” and who always get a second shout out from the person listening who is nodding in agreement saying “Yes! I really admire them, too.”
The term wisdom was created out of long lineages of elders who took on the role of tribal historians and story tellers because they didn’t have Google gifting them with boundless knowledge about their culture. It was up to the elders to share stoically their experiences and life lessons, thus the association with wisdom was born and linked to older generations.
My own personal belief challenges that of science. It is my belief that you don’t necessarily have to be older, to be wiser. Whereas science favors the Grandma Hypothesis in which according to Harvard Review of Psychiatry who published an article and study done on The Emerging Empirical Science of Wisdom states that “Wisdom likely increases with age, facilitating a possible evolutionary role of wise grandparents in promoting the fitness of the species. […] Older adults help enhance their children’s well-being, health, longevity, and fertility—[what is considered to be] the “Grandma Hypothesis” of wisdom.”
Although I do agree with this, I also believe in old souls; those who have had several goes at life on earth, experienced several rounds of “life school” as spirituality deems, and thus has had several actual life experiences under their belts. I also feel that you almost immediately know who an old soul is and thus, who a wise guide is.
Wisdom Defined
So, what exactly is wisdom? From what I obtained within Harvard Review of Psychiatry’s article, it is multifaceted, comprised of a range of ideal qualities, and can be learned.
Within this article, The Emerging Empirical Science of Wisdom, several notable studies were highlighted. The 1970’s research performed by Clayton and Birren “proposed that wisdom consisted of several discrete and measurable components: a reflective component involving introspection and intuition, an affective component involving empathy and peacefulness, and a cognitive component characterized by knowledge and experience.”
Whereas Staudinger’s study “proposed [the] five criteria of wisdom: insight, personal growth, self-awareness of the current context, value relativism, and awareness and management of life’s uncertainties.”
From what I have read and synthesized; wisdom is characterized by the following descriptors:
Calm
Contains a wealth of moral knowledge obtained from previous experiences
Self-aware
Has an easeful acceptance of the uncertainties in life
Warm
Open to and constantly evolving their own personal growth
Balanced
Peaceful
Heightened sense of personal spirituality
Intelligent
Compassionate and Empathetic
Stoic
A teacher, mentor, or guide
In truth, I could have written many more adjectives, but this exercise just showed me how many components there are to wisdom and how aspirational of a quality it is to have in yourself.
It almost feels like the trait of all traits, the highest of compliments, and the most wonderful way in life that you can strive to be perceived as.
For me, this piece has provided me with a long exhale.
Maybe wise guides are on earth to help heal the wise guys.
Maybe they are helpers, healers, light workers gifted to us to make life that much sweeter. To give us a taste of the souls in heaven.
I thank the good Lord for these angels in my life, and can only hope that one day, I will become one of them. No, being older doesn’t always mean being wiser, but also, it’s never too late.
“Let no one be slow to seek wisdom when he is young nor weary in the search of it when he has grown old. For no age is too early or too late for the health of the soul.”
{Sources: Oxford Languages, Harvard Review of Psychiatry, “The Emerging Empirical Science of Wisdom”}