Fear: “Oh, F@$&!”, All About the F-Word
What the other F-word, fear, really means and why it makes you cuss
“if you must curse, please use your own name”
-God
I gave up cussing for Lent, so naturally, I had to write a blog dedicated to it. No, I do not “curse” every other word, but as any close family member (sorry, Mom!) or friend knows, I do enjoy throwing a well-intentioned F-Bomb in there to emphasize my emotion towards something.
A couple of my personal favorites:
Reaction to hearing a surprising bit of news: “No… What the F@$&?!”
Reaction to almost getting hit by a car while crossing the street in Manhattan: “Are you kidding me?! Seriously, What the F@$&?!”
Reaction to accidentally breaking a glass, the classic: “F@$&!”
There is something freeing about proclaiming that word defiantly, it is as if the negative energy I harbor within myself as a result of experiencing something unfavorable, is released as soon as I state it. I know, it isn’t “sophisticated”, “classy” or “well-mannered” (I don’t go blurting it out willy nilly here, OK!), but I also know that each and every one of you reading this, have an F-Bomb buried deep inside of you (or alternative, forceful word) that surfaces either mentally or verbally, from time-to-time, too. That is because it acts as a signal to an intense, unexpected life occurrence, something that catches us off guard and more often than not, frightens us.
You know what also has the same exact effect on us?
The other F-word, fear.
“Fear is an emotion induced by perceived danger or threat, which causes physiological changes and ultimately behavioral changes, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events.” Wikipedia
[Puts on bifocals and opens the Smithsonian Magazine]
“It is a fundamental, deeply wired reaction, evolved over the history of biology, to protect organisms against perceived threat to their integrity or existence.
Fear reaction starts in the brain and spreads through the body to make adjustments for the best defense, or flight reaction. The fear response starts in a region of the brain called the amygdala. This almond-shaped set of nuclei in the temporal lobe of the brain is dedicated to detecting the emotional salience of the stimuli – how much something stands out to us.
[when something is perceived to be a threat] This leads to bodily changes that prepare us to be more efficient in a danger: The brain becomes hyperalert, pupils dilate, the bronchi dilate and breathing accelerates. Heart rate and blood pressure rise. Blood flow and stream of glucose to the skeletal muscles increase. Organs not vital in survival such as the gastrointestinal system slow down.”
… All of this sounds like you are about to experience a heart attack to me. Which in some cases, fear can certainly feel like (public speaking, anyone?).
Fear, which tends to surface when we are entering unchartered territories without any inkling of what the outcome may be, commonly triggers anxiety, makes us uncomfortable and most notably, can cause a loss of courage. For many of us, it surfaces within events that include venturing outside of our comfort zones.
It is a top-level offender to Type-A personalities like me, who thrive off of planning and executing to such a high degree that we think we can actually control most of life’s outcomes. Simply put, fear signifies taking a risk, risk has an uncontrollable outcome, we don’t like the thought of being unable to control the outcome unless it is in our favor, thus we don’t like taking risks or the signal of fear. We associate fear with a potential loss, if it is something we cannot be guaranteed to achieve. As a result, we often choose not to do those things that instill fear within us because we envision that we’ve already lost, that we’ve failed.
That is because, we have been raised in such a self-inflicting, high achieving era of accomplishments, that the thought of failing, no matter how much heart and soul we put into something, becomes a great fear of life.
But in most cases, fear is just an illusion.
It’s often a story we create in our heads of what may happen versus the reality of what actually does happens.
It is quite the buzzword lately, and I do believe it is because it is incredibly relevant in today’s culture. We have so many self-imposed rules to follow and guidelines we set for ourselves, based off of society and how we should look, act and even feel, that venturing outside of the box, triggers fears in many forms. It also has overwhelmed me to such a degree, that it has held me back from taking next steps to achieving dreams, visions, goals or even small actions, and has got me saying, enough is enough.
How can we acknowledge fear without holding it unknowingly with such revere, that it ends up being the one making decisions for us, calling the shots and controlling outcomes in our lives?
The advice that often surfaces when discussing how to overcome fear is to “Embrace Fear”. To embrace something is to either: hold someone in your arms as a sign of affection or to accept a belief willingly and enthusiastically. I love the word embrace, most likely because as anyone would tell you who knows me, I LOVE a good, long hug, I am a hugger of the people (!) but this theory of “Embracing Fear”, has always perplexed me. I don’t enjoy the physical reaction that accompanies fear, for me this comes in the form of anxiety, and I certainly don’t think I am going to want to give it an all-consuming, Alexandra hug as a result.
But I do believe that we can form awareness surrounding fear, that the feelings surfacing for us are in fact a result of fear and envision fear as a positive rather than a negative reaction.
That it is a sign that we are going in the right direction, regardless the outcome. That we are acting with courage rather than keeping with comfort.
Yes, the outcome can be unfavorable, there is a risk that, that story you made up ahead of taking action against fear, comes true. But guess what else? It can also be a pivotal learning point for you, too. Then you can take that lesson and manifest it into an even bigger dream or goal and achieve it ten folds than what your original vision was. That you know, you acted out of courage and that regardless the outcome, you are prouder of yourself stepping outside of your safety zone.
There is always beauty in failings. Thus, there is a silver lining to fear.
Like the incredibly insightful founder of the Beautiful You Coaching Academy, Julie Parker, informed us when we as students, were all-consumed with the fear of launching our businesses:
“We only fear things that really matter to us. It is a sign you are being called and on the right path.”
So instead of us silently whispering “Oh, F@$&!” to ourselves when faced with an opportunity that instills fear within us, let’s replace it with “Awesome!” “Heck YES!” and “I’ve GOT this!” and own it with courage.
To that ending I say, F@$&! fear & bring ON the endless possibilities that you can manifest in taking action and stand proud!
You’ve got this.
We’ve got this.
Let’s do it.
“I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”