On Change: The One Where We Had to Say Good-Bye Too Soon
How-to Enhance your thoughts on Change
The one thing I remember the most about that moment was the sky; it was a summer sunset, the sky was filled with pinks, blues and a darkness that was about to impede on its’ beauty. I was gazing out of the backseat window, bottle in hand feeding Teddy in her car seat, and my eyes analyzing the view I’ve become accustomed to, as we drove into the city: skyscrapers, lights and a hope that ignites you the second you see it. Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York” played in the back of my mind, and I silently whispered, “we are back home.”
Tears surfaced to my eyes and a knob formed in my throat as I tried to suppress them. Then, as if in unison, the army of tears strengthened together and I found myself crying, as I released the realization that a chapter I held close to my heart, was coming to a close, and a new one was about to open.
I knew that this moment, this imprint in my mind, would be the last time I would be calling Manhattan my home. And that like in the last episode of Friends, this would be the one where we had to say good-bye too soon.
This moment of change became one of a number of changes that, that year had in store for us.
From becoming first-time-parents during unforeseen times, to finding ourselves back in my hometown that I’d been away from for fourteen years, then finding a new temporary home, to starting a business and transitioning to work from home, to not knowing like most of the world, what was to come next, it felt like {& was} as if a majority of what we knew, changed, overnight.
It was also one of the first times in my life where I didn’t have an answer or a plan. When family and friends asked what was in store next for us, we would say with confidence that “we were unsure,” as the only thing we knew for sure, is that we simply didn’t know.
I know this experience resonates with you, too. That, that year, was a year of change and adjustment for everyone.
Change
According to Merriam-Webster, change is a verb that means to alter, modify or to become different; to undergo transformation, transition or substitution.
Accompanying this definition, were limitless articles associated with change like:
Coping with Change
Five Ways to Help You Deal with Change
“I Hate Change!” 10 Ways to Cope When it All Hits the Fan
13 Ways to Change when Life Changes Around You
Revelation #1 : Negative Association with the word “Change”
These articles made me realize, how our society has such an unfavorable, negative association with the word “change”. Almost as if it’s an illness, and we have to put into place remedies that will “fix us while we have fallen ill with change.”
Believe me, I get it, change is NOT always easy to experience. There are also variable levels of change, but for those that we know can be addressed with a clearer lens and a healthy dose of self-help, what if we focused on the self-evolution that occurs out of experiencing change?
What if, in our mind, we started replacing the word change with evolve?
That we are evolving with something or becoming something new, something enhanced.
This way, we transition from the harsh feelings associated with the word, change [what surfaces in my mind are feelings of abruptness or going from one extreme, to the other] to evolve [a transition with ease, a graceful turning of the page, an enhancement for the better].
In doing so, it reduces the amount of weight that change carries with it.
That it may not always be a dooms day thing, and that if we greet it with cautious optimism, that we are more likely to call in life enhancements rather than just potential tough challenges on the horizon.
{& Remember, airing on the side of positivity, attracts positivity.}
Revelation #2 : Did the worst actually happen?
Taking this a step further, consider an experience in which you underwent change.
How did you feel at that time?
What stories did you possibly make up about what could happen in the future?
Now, reflect further, after your experience:
Did those stories come true?
What actually occurred afterwards?
Once you were on the other side of the experience, did you survive?
How are you now as a result?
Even if it was painful, and still may sting a bit, you may notice that even the severity of the feelings don’t last forever, and that you are still here, standing in your strength and that you are resilient.
Maybe even more resilient than you give yourself credit for.
This is exactly what I have come to realize with my own recent experiences from last year; was it painful? Yes. But, was there good that came out of it? Absolutely. My husband and I continue to count our blessings as an outcome and are thriving as a result.
Revelation #3 : The Only Thing We Can Control is Ourselves
& Our Reaction to Change
In my final reflection of change, I discovered that maybe one of the key learnings from this last year was to recognize how resilient we truly are, and that change does not defeat us or define us, rather it challenges, strengthens and brings to surface that which truly matters to us.
Also, it shines clarity and a deep knowing that the only thing we are in control of is ourselves. No matter how much planning or problem-solving we do, or how much we want to be in control of our surroundings with every fiber of our being, that the only person we have influence on is ourselves and we learned all too quickly that we had to adapt in order to advance. That as a good friend of mine, Cindy, recently shared with me that her boss would say “the only thing constant in life is change.”
And as another, Holly, said, “there are opportunities that follow change, should we open our minds to seeing them.”
My wishes for not only you, but myself included, is that we take pause the next time a significant change surfaces, breathe into the moment, and recognize the choices we have in front of us:
Are we going to fold under the pressure of the unknown and fall into previous thoughts patterns of how we get through change?
or
Are we going to rise above the circumstance, send up prayers of help and waves of optimism, hope and cultivate energy for the best?
My vote is the later. And I am pretty darn sure yours is too.
Here’s to taking back power over the change that occurs in your life and soaking up the blessings that they bring.
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.”
{Sources: Definition of Change from Merriam-Webster}